'Twas The Night Before Christmas - Iditarod Version

'Twas The Night Before Christmas - Iditarod Version

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the dark,
Not an athlete was stirring, not even one bark!

The harnesses were hung on the dog rack with care,
In hopes that Lance Mackey soon would be there.

The mushers all seated in the snack bar nearby,
While visions of Fourth Street danced in their eye.

And Martin in his parka, just in from Big Lake,
Had just settled down for a long coffee break.

When out in the kennel there arose such a scream,
That Martin, at the table, knocked over the cream!

Away to the lobby, he flew like an eagle,
Tripped over his mukluks, his face in a giggle.

The shine on the ice, from a recent deep freeze,
Gave a luster of bad trails - this race is no breeze!

When what to all eyes should so wonderously quicken,
But a great big dog sled, dogs waggin' and lickin' !

With a cute bearded musher, as if in a trance,
That I knew in a moment it must be our Lance!

More rapid than blizzards, by trailside he came,
And he whistled and shouted, and called dogs by name!

Now Larry, now Hobo, now Hansome and Dred,
On Zorro, on Lippy, on Rapper, they sped...

To the end of the kennel, to the sides to and fro,
Now slip o'er the ice and a'truckin' we go!

As mushers before an Iditarod high,
When they dream of a smooth trail right up to the sky....

So up to the rafters the dogs, they all flew,
The dog sled, the athletes and Lance Mackey too!

And then in a twinkle was heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing, it sounded like "Woof!" !

As the mushers were startled, and were turning around,
From the chimney Lance Mackey came down with a bound!

He was dressed all in fur, and had left his boots on,
When he slipped on some dog poop, his grace was all gone!

A bundle of bones he had flung on his back,
But they shot 'cross the room when his body went SMACK!

His eyes, they were spinning, his brain a bit more,
His cheeks were both frozen, when hitting the floor!

His droll little mouth let out such a shout,
That the mushers all trembled, and quickly ran out!

The line of a harness ended up in his teeth,
And a tug line encircled his head like a wreath!

He had a thin face and a little flat belly,
That shook when he fell like a bowl full of jelly!

He was lanky and lean, and a little bit brass,
And they laughed when they saw him fall right on his a-- !

With a blink of his eye, and a lump on his head,
He spoke not a word - I thought he was DEAD!

He spoke with a mumble, but got up with a bolt,
He couldn't see the mushers, he took such a jolt!

Laying a bootie aside of his nose,
And giving a shudder, to the roof top he rose.

He sprang to his dog sled, and gave it a shout,
With a gee and a haw, they really dug out!

But I heard him exclaim as he flew full of bluster,
"I'll be back next year, 'cause I'm suing you, buster!"

by Walt Tremer

With Apologies to Martin Buser, Lance Mackey and Clement C. Moore (and with special appreciation to Walt Tremer for his kind permission to share this!)